An old Pakistani lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:

"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me.
I love you,
Your Father"

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son:

"Beloved Father,
Please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too,
Ahmed"

At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.

"Beloved Father,
I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes.
That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."

This post has been edited by past: Dec 3 2006, 05:58 AM

A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

This post has been edited by past: Dec 3 2006, 05:59 AM

An Asian man walks into a New York Currency Exchange with 2000 yen. He receives $72.00 in American currency. The following week, the same Asian man walks into the same currency exchange. He again exchanges 2000 yen. This time, he receives $66.00 in American currency. The Asian man doesn't understand why he received less money, so he asks the clerk, "Why less money when same 2000 yen"

The clerk replies, "Fluctuations.(Fluc-U-Asians)" As the Asian man prepares to leave, he turns, looks at the clerk and angrily says, "Fluck you Amelicans, too!"

This post has been edited by past: Dec 3 2006, 06:01 AM

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat, and a wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, “Business trip or vacation?”

The woman turns, smiles and says, “Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.”

The man swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she says. “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really,” he says. “What myths are those?”

“Well,” she explains, “one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it’s men of Jewish decent.”

Suddenly, the women becomes very embarrassed and blushes. “I'm sorry,” she says, “I shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!”

“Tonto” the man says as he extends his hand. “Tonto Goldstein.”

This post has been edited by past: Dec 3 2006, 06:07 AM

lolzzzz

hahaha cool

LOLZZZZ

Ek baar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek randi ne mujra kiya.
Woh badi hi KANTEELI NACHANIYA thi.Itni zor se naachi
ke sabke tatte short ho gaye.Akbar bahut khush ho gaya.
Usne randi ko kaha,

"Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri jaan?
Sona-chandi, heere-moti, jaageer.. .. kya chahiye, bol.
Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de......uski
behen chod di jayegi."

Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke.Par
woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki aurat thi(chodu type). Uske
gandu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha. Woh Akbar se boli,

"Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamati mile to kuch arz karoon".
Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut fida tha.Woh bola,

"Jo marzi maang, Jamna jaan." Randi boli,

"Jahanpanah, mujhe aapki raajgadi pe tatti karni hai." Ek
baar to Akbar ko samajh hi nahin aaya ki kya yeh randi BAWLI
GAAND to nahin ho gayi? Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta
tha....promise jo kar diya tha. Usne randi ko kuch aur
maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut chaaloo cheej thi.
woh nahin maani. Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad
ki date dedi.

Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel
karwa dega, par bhen ki laudi maan ke nahin deti thi. Jab
Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya,

Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi....usne us waqt Birbal
ko yaadkiya. Usne Birbal se kaha ki,

ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein hai. Birbal ne
bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa chudwaani
pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega.
Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.

Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka.
Bhenchod ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi.

Subah -subah randi ne darbaar mein grand entrance maara. Kehne
lagi,

"Jahanpanah, main teen din senahin hangi hoon... jaldi se
raajgaddi pe hnaggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiye."

Akbar ne phatti gaand ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha.Birbal to
bhen ka lauda hansi hans raha tha. Apni seat se khada hua aur
bola,

"Jamnabai, tumne tatti karne ki demand ki thi....so karo. Lekin
agar ek boond bhi moot nikal aaya to yeh talwaar ****** mein ghusa
ke gaand se nikaal doonga...."

Randi ko samajh me aa gaya ki is baar uska paala kisi andu pandu
se nahin, Birbal se pada hai. Woh chupchaap uthi aur ghar chali
gayi........ .

RAKHI was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of prostitutes, Rakhi among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly Rakhi's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line. Grandma asked,

"Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Rakhi told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"

Grandma replied... "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

The policeman fainted.

thanks

lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together. The white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he had been.

The white guy says, "My wife gives me good sex every night and she kept me up really late last night".

The black guy says "I can't get my wife to have sex with me, no matter what! How do you do it?"

The white guy says, "I read her poetry every night."

His black friend then asks, "What kind of poetry?"

The white guy replies, "Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you." Then the white guy tells his friend to go home and try it - it's a sure thing!

The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling.

The white man asks, "What happened?!"

The black man says, "Man, don't ever speak to me again!"

The curious white man asks, "Well, what did you say to her?"

The black man replies, 'Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!"

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

A newly married couple are honeymooning in India. As they're walking through a bazaar they see a sign that reads: "Magic sandals. Guaranteed to improve your sex life."

The couple walk into the shop and are greeted by the shopkeeper. "These magic sandals," he tells the wife, "will increase your husband's sex drive and make him an accomplished lover." The wife tells the shopkeeper that her husband wears a size 10, and that he'd like to try them on.

So the husband sits down, puts on the sandals and gets a gleam in his eye that his wife has never seen before. The husband rips his pants off, bends the shopkeeper over the counter and goes to town.

Frantically the shopkeeper screams, "The sandals! You've got them on the wrong feet!"

nice