Mistakes Men Make During Sex (uhoh!), Not many of you are gonna read this... But Then :P |
| Click Here For Our Desi Masala Videos Section |
|
|
  |
Mistakes Men Make During Sex (uhoh!), Not many of you are gonna read this... But Then :P |
  Aug 19 2007, 07:04 PM
Post
#1
|
|
|
Proud DM'ite:)  Group: VIP Posts: 13,285 Joined: 23-March 05 Member No.: 3,751 Reputation: 36858 pts:   |
Mistakes Men Make during Sex (UhOh!)
I realize these aren’t set in stone, but while reading them on the Internet I thought some were rather funny: *NOT KISSING FIRST Avoiding her lips and diving straight for erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your birthday cake. That hurts. NOT SHAVING You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance. SQUEEZING HER BREASTS Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth. BITING HER NIPPLES Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a toy isn’t. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the d*mn things off. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris. STOPPING FOR A BREAK Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt - so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first. GOING TOO FAST When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she’ll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts. GOING TOO HARD If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds. COMING TOO SOON Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too. NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask. PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris. NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her. NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary. MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES For her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest. ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. Being drunk is not an excuse. SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest. ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings. LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t. GIVING LOVE BITES It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end. NOT CARING WHETHER SHE CUMS You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you SQUASHING HER Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue. TALKING DIRTY It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know. THANKING HER Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen. *** Not sure who the original author is, I agree on many of them… some I don’t because quite a few women have pushed PB to do exactly that!!!! Now if you wanna know which ones from the above… hehehehe… … Not telling **** |
 |
 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 08:02 PM
Post
#2
|
|
|
* Desi Rani *  Group: DDF Master! Posts: 9,312 Joined: 26-June 07 From: * UK * Member No.: 188,023 Reputation: 44027 pts: |
Lolzz gna add this to my must read thread.. i read a few.. made me laugh
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 08:12 PM
Post
#3
|
|
|
Proud DM'ite:) Group: VIP Posts: 13,285 Joined: 23-March 05 Member No.: 3,751 Reputation: 36858 pts: |
QUOTE(* Dulhan * @ Aug 19 2007, 09:32 PM)  Lolzz gna add this to my must read thread.. i read a few.. made me laugh Don't just mark it now  Ctrl C, Ctrl V and send out a copy to him...  Or better still give him the link and ask him to join DDF that is if he is not already a member 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 08:22 PM
Post
#4
|
|
|
Playboy!  Group: Posts: 11,829 Joined: 22-February 05 From: India Member No.: 2 Reputation: 4554 pts:  |
lolzzzzzz itna kaun padega
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 08:51 PM
Post
#5
|
|
|
* Desi Rani * Group: DDF Master! Posts: 9,312 Joined: 26-June 07 From: * UK * Member No.: 188,023 Reputation: 44027 pts: |
Lolzz i read all of it, il show it to my bf
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 08:59 PM
Post
#6
|
|
|
Jatti di Shaan vakhri  Group: DDF Clubbie Posts: 17,408 Joined: 24-December 06 From: Canada Member No.: 133,629 Reputation: 54753 pts: |
lolz
It just made me feel that how Good "My particular someone is" QUOTE NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary. I been through this one 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 09:20 PM
Post
#7
|
|
|
* Desi Rani * Group: DDF Master! Posts: 9,312 Joined: 26-June 07 From: * UK * Member No.: 188,023 Reputation: 44027 pts: |
QUOTE(Polar_Bear @ Aug 19 2007, 03:42 PM) Don't just mark it now Ctrl C, Ctrl V and send out a copy to him... Or better still give him the link and ask him to join DDF that is if he is not already a member his nets sooo slow @ home, but when he returns bk to uni, i will definitely tell him to join.. 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 09:37 PM
Post
#8
|
|
|
Proud DM'ite:) Group: VIP Posts: 13,285 Joined: 23-March 05 Member No.: 3,751 Reputation: 36858 pts: |
QUOTE(* Dulhan * @ Aug 19 2007, 10:50 PM) his nets sooo slow @ home, but when he returns bk to uni, i will definitely tell him to join.. Arrrrrrrreeee.... I was just kidding... Don't tell him Usne join kar liye to hamare Admin ka dil toot jaayega 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 09:39 PM
Post
#9
|
|
|
Proud DM'ite:) Group: VIP Posts: 13,285 Joined: 23-March 05 Member No.: 3,751 Reputation: 36858 pts: |
QUOTE I been through this one Pleaseeeeeeeee stop giving me ideas at this time of the night 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 10:38 PM
Post
#10
|
|
|
Jatti di Shaan vakhri Group: DDF Clubbie Posts: 17,408 Joined: 24-December 06 From: Canada Member No.: 133,629 Reputation: 54753 pts: |
QUOTE(Polar_Bear @ Aug 19 2007, 12:09 PM) Pleaseeeeeeeee stop giving me ideas at this time of the night 
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 11:37 PM
Post
#11
|
|
|
* Desi Rani * Group: DDF Master! Posts: 9,312 Joined: 26-June 07 From: * UK * Member No.: 188,023 Reputation: 44027 pts: |
QUOTE(Polar_Bear @ Aug 19 2007, 05:07 PM) Arrrrrrrreeee.... I was just kidding... Don't tell him Usne join kar liye to hamare Admin ka dil toot jaayega  EVERY ONE THINK I AM MRS. ADMIN.. OR I AM ADMIN HIMSELF
|
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 11:42 PM
Post
#12
|
|
|
Playboy!  Group: Posts: 18,070 Joined: 9-June 05 Member No.: 17,963 Reputation: 36835 pts: |
waah waah
PB, poora sex guide chaap diyaa hai. Waise, I have picked couple of tips (more than couple) |
|
|
|
|
Aug 19 2007, 11:43 PM
Post
#13
|
|
|
Playboy! Group: Posts: 18,070 Joined: 9-June 05 Member No.: 17,963 Reputation: 36835 pts: |
QUOTE(Polar_Bear @ Aug 19 2007, 09:39 PM) Pleaseeeeeeeee stop giving me ideas at this time of the night Tere paas kam se kam yuyun hai. Main toh abhi abhi aayaa hoon yahaa. Mera kyaa hogaa??
|
|
|
|
